Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
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12:52 pm - it's been the longest winter without you.. didn't know where to turn to..
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I went away && I never came back.
Because who I am now
is NOT
who I was before;
however, here I am.
Love me or leave me.
&& I promise I wont notice.
current mood:  lethargic
current music: The Dream ; Let me see tha booty
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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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6:00 pm
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Okay, so Ashlie went out and had a fantastic Monday&Tuesday to aid her in the process of moving on from Greg.
( Oops... )
Lastnight was AMAAAA-ZING! I went over to Takima's apartment to get some E with Tommy (old friend, old GORGEOUS friend) and we took the pills there and rolled our fucking asses off.. we sat on the couch touching each other's hands, eating cough drops & suckers and drinking beer while we talked about everything in the world that had no meaning at all until we started pouring our hearts out to each other.. it was a good time. Me Tommy and Takima layed on her bed for like 2 hours talking and touching and being in love with each other..& I got bored, but then I met this kid named Matt.. super sexy.. but it was all crazy cuz that was the peak of my roll so we wont go there.. hahaha.. then I went back to JoAnna's and went in Stephanie's room to sleep and she ended up having company.. so this other kid layed down with me and talked to me for like 2 more hours until they finally had to leave and I ended up passing out. Sunday night was fun too, but I can't remember much of it. Today Ryan (Steph's brother) drove me home because I talked to Greg and I wanted to see him so I had to hurry up and go home so he didn't get mad at me for being over at JoAnna's..
So yeah rebounding from a bad relationship makes Ashlie's life exciting.. now that I have to be good my life will resume it's normal boring nothingness..
I have an interview @ Younkers tomorrow..
I have to see my P.O. @ 2:30pm tomorrow..
busy busy busy..
man.. Greg just called again.. he wants to come over..
this is hard..
I just want my subway to hurry up and get here.. I'm hungry.
current mood:  nauseated
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Sunday, October 17th, 2004
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9:52 am
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Never call your girlfriend from a hotel room when the bitch you're cheating on her with works the front desk.
Hahaha.. nice fucking move Greg.
( How the fag got busted... )
current mood:  cynical
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Saturday, October 16th, 2004
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5:10 pm
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yeah, I'm definitely positive that I'm dying.
...or atleast I want to anyway.
Anyone know a good hitman?
-- yeah that's it.. maybe if I get him killed then it wont be a problem anymore, kind of like a "if you can't see it, it's not there" type of thing.
Hmm..something to think about.
I am so serious it's not even funny.
current mood:  crazy
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1:49 pm - "cuz when we laugh and we cry it's together.. through the rain & the stormiest weather..
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..we're gonna still be as one -- it's forever, it's forever.."
Ashlie doesn't want to love Greg anymore.
Why can't she stop thinking about him?
This sucks. It hurts. I'm okay, but I can't breathe.
I don't understand why this bothers me.. I left him.
I know 6months isn't even that long, but our 6months was really fucking long.
Believe that -- I've been through more in the last 6months with him, than I have in all my teenages years so far on my own. &we all know how crazy I am -- I'm always in some shit.
I need something strong and mind altering to drink.
I got woke up to a really shitty phone call this morning.. thanks Greg & Allison, you officially fucked up my morning & early afternoon. I hope you both die of genital rotting diseases.
current mood: enraged
current music: Nelly ; My Place
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Friday, October 15th, 2004
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9:54 pm
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Oh my god I think I'm going to die.
My stomach hurts so bad.. I've never felt so sick before in my life..
Greg just told me he was with someone I hate lastnight -- like with... I'm fucking about to freak out.
I hate this..
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5:04 pm
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I stayed all night with Kayla lastnight, but I spent the night with her brother Kyle.
Today I feel like shit.. I think that was the wrong thing to do since I just broke up with Greg a few days ago.. it just felt kind of good to be revengeful, and I guess that made me feel like I was saying "fuck you Greg take that" in my own way.
It's been so fucking long since I've been :personal: with anyone but Greg that it was really wierd, but kind of exciting I suppose.
I'm really bored.. I need something to do tonight.. What I want to do, and what I will probably end up doing are two different things.. oh choices.. I wish I had a secret mini-personal-assistant in my head to make all my decisions for me.
My journal gets lamer & lamer everytime I update. What's wrong with me these days?
Fuck I'm tired.
I walked from Kayla's to my house because I was mad at my grandma and I didn't want to listen to her bitch at me on the drive home.. so I never called her..ugh I hate being stubborn.
current mood:  bitchy
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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
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1:09 pm
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( she doesn't seem herself at all... )
No, I wasn't even high then. Sometimes I just think of a bunch of really stupid stuff, and put it all together because it doesn't go anywhere else.
... and it's up she goes ♥
current mood:  morose
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12:40 pm - I'm twisted cuz one side of me's tellin' me to move on.. on the otherside I wanna break down & cry..
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Blah blah blah Ashlie has to do a lot of stupid bullshit or she goes back to jail. =[
I hate boys!! I'm a fucking lesbian. I hate Greg.
Sometimes things just don't even seem real anymore, or surprising I should say. It's like something happens that's normally fuckin' crazy & off the wall -- lately I'm like "Ah no shit?" because nothing is a big deal anymore.
My life has suddenly become predictable.
Ha, what life.. I'm a loserrrr I don't have a life.
Yes it's true, Ashlie has lost her groove.
meow?
current mood:  calm
current music: T.V. bullshit
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Sunday, October 10th, 2004
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8:46 pm - oh yeah just touch my body
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My birthday in 13 days.
I don't fucking want to get older.
*cries*
Life keeps getting trickier.
Damnit.
I'm trying so hard to be good.. I need some booze.
I have someone who is not allowed at my house hiding in my basement, he's been there for two days.. it's kind of an interesting situation. I just leave him down there and leave hahaha cuz he can't come upstairs without getting caught & he's all "what are you doing up there for so long? when can I sneak upstairs & smoke? are you bored yet do you want to go somewhere?" hahaha It's like having my own personal prisoner.. I think it's awesome. He doesn't realize I have no intention of going back down there tonight.. I love it.
That's sorta sick huh?
ehh, whatever.
current mood: amused
current music: Eminem ; Just Lose It
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Friday, October 8th, 2004
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5:23 pm - motherfucker that's how I roll...
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Lastnight I hung out with Richie.. we got really stoned and drove around eating bacon. Bacon is the best thing ever invented.. !! ♥
Greg called me and said that he's going to spend the night with "someone else" and that he isn't going to call me anymore.. keep in mind he is/was my boyfriend for the last 6 months, my co-defendant in my criminal case, and we were supposed to get married next summer. I guess this might be for the better though because ever since we both got out I've been telling him I'm done with our old lifestyle, and I don't want to hang around all the people he introduced me to during our time together. Besides he gets in the way of stuff that has priority over him in my life.. (school, work, my family) I wish I had never met him.. this is hard.
current mood: bitchy
current music: Kottonmouth Kings ; The Lottery
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Thursday, October 7th, 2004
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11:54 am
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I'm back.
If you only knew where I've been.. ehh.
I'm sorry to a few people who will read this and know that they are one of the few people that I really had a genuine connection with, and cared for a lot. (for starters ♥ Lynz:Richie:Adam) I really am sorry I didn't contribute much to my end of our friendships - believe it or not I really wanted to be different, but I was selfish..and I wasn't well. You guys were always up for hanging out & being there for me to talk to, and I was wrong for not being truthful (completely) about what I really was.
I think I liked it better for people to read my whacked out entries, and just think that I was slowly losing my mind.
I was in a way, but really I was turning myself into a spinout and finally I hit a wall.
This time I'm done for good.
I had my wake up call.
I wont tell more than I have to, but if you really want to know ask me.
Sometimes I actually do think about all the things I fucked up, and all the people I took for granted in my life, and I actually do have a conscience.
I got good at blocking it out though.
I just hope that this turnaround will be successful, and I get back what I used to have, or get closer to things I almost had before I gave in.
I love you guys -- my actual friends -- you know who you are, all of you.. and I want to get back in the swing of things. Talk to me.
current mood: optimistic
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Friday, June 18th, 2004
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8:25 pm - Fuck a commitment...
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I don't know what to do anymore.
Usually when it gets to this point I disappear for a really long time.
I don't want to do that because I've been talking to all my friends lately and I love it.
It's really good to be seeing normal people and doing normal things for a change.
The only problem is normal people that do normal things don't understand these problems from say a "sick" person's point of view.
Bye guys?
current mood:  indescribable
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2:44 pm - Turkish & Domestic Blend
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VC Raptors 15fan [2:43 PM]: hey do you have a credit card?
PrettyxLipsxLie [2:43 PM]: HA
PrettyxLipsxLie [2:44 PM]: who would give ME a credit card?
VC Raptors 15fan [2:44 PM]: lol
Lastnight was awesome. I went with Richie to a party with a bunch of random Dowling kids, and the cops came because some kid was climbing the tower and the cops thought he was going to commit suicide!! Hahaha.. anyway so they didn't do any breathalizers, but they took the keg (which was already dry anyway)and they ID'd everyone. I told the cop I only had 4-5 and I wasn't drunk, and they made me drive some kid named Tim's car for him so that it wouldn't get towed because he was sloshed. I guess this kid is a junior at Dowling, and he's really cute.. Too bad he's a little kid. I ended up losing Richie when everyone ran off, but we both made it home okay seperately and met up at my house to talk about it.. Crazy times man, everytime I hang out with that kid it's something interesting.
So I got home okay, and I had like 5 new phone numbers.. forget Greg, my loser ex-boyfriend.. I'm moving on to summer, and wayyy better boys.
♥ Ashlie
current mood:  blank
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Thursday, June 17th, 2004
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4:26 pm
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HOW MANY YEARS YOUNGER THAN 18 IS TOO YOUNG?!
Someone please fucking tell me.
Anyway-- my grandma told me I'm going to go to jail.. hahahaha.. What I did is not illegal !!
Well.. I'm not sure what I'm doing tonight.. maybe something with Greg.. This weekend is going to be a hard one.. eww I just know it.. if anyone has any really REALLY strong sleeping pills that can put me out until Monday - that would be really great. Hook it up-- Monday I get to see my Adam though ♥, I can't wait!! I think I'll be okay this weekend.. but I don't think I'm okay right now.. I'm sick. Sick in the head, sick in the heart, sick of this shit.. eww.
I gotta go now.
current mood:  naughty
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2:06 pm
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What's everyone doing today? Tonight?
I'm really fucking bored..
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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
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11:45 pm
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New screenname.
Fucking add it-
prettyxlipsxlie
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5:41 pm - I love you, and I'm doing this for you... I know it hurts right now, but you'll see.
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Oh god I'm a pedophile.
Well not really, but oh man.. yeah.
You would have too! I swear it!
I had fun with Shea @ the party lastnight.
Lynnsey ♥ contact me ASAP!
I have stuff to tell you.. stuff that you will find very amusing, I promise.
I didn't disappear this time-
my computer just sucks lately..
and I'm hardly ever home.
Finally, I'm free.
current mood: lonely
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Friday, June 4th, 2004
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6:46 am - I'm twisted cuz one side of me's tellin' me that I need to move on..
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...on the other side I wanna break down and cry.
I've never really been a big fan of Usher, but this is my theme song for this morning. I've been racking my brain for the right words since 3am. I couldn't come up with them until I heard this song, and realized that I didn't have to because someone else already did.
It's gonna burn for me to say this, but it's coming from my heart. It's been a long time coming, but we done been fell apart. Really wanna work this out, but I don't think you're gonna change. I do, but you don't think it's best we go our seperate ways. Tell me why I should stay in this relationship, when I'm hurtin' baby, I ain't happy baby. Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with.. I think that you should let it burn.
current mood: crushed
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Friday, May 28th, 2004
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9:51 am - through the hourglass I saw you, in time you slipped away.. when the mirror crashed I called you..
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I've never cried so much that my face burned in my entire life.
I have never been so sick to my stomach that I couldn't move before now.
I have never found so much beauty in something so ugly..
until now.
I have never not wanted something that I absolutely couldn't live without, but I don't want it now.
This is so hard.
It hurts so bad.
I would rather break every bone in my body and then re-break them in the middle of the healing process -- than go through this right now.
I can't fucking do it.. I'm just not strong enough.
".. you take my breath away."
current mood: enraged
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